Facebook Etiquette 101

Facebook. 

It's changed the way we communicate with our world and has provided us a platform to share the most precious moments of our lives as well as our personal/professional endeavors. Kudos.

But how often do you log into your facebook account to find yourself attached to information that has absolutely NOTHING to do with you?? How often does your phone vibrate with notifications about invitations to an event that is taking place in another state?? How often do you have to untag yourself from photos that you are NOT in?? Clearly, while facebook has many benefits to its existence and can be quite resourceful to anyone's personal and professional development, when it is misused, it causes its constituents to be frustrated, annoyed and extremely bothered by others' lack of consideration. 

Hence, I have put together this guideline outlining the Top 10 Things NOT to do on Facebook. Hopefully you'll read, share and help get the word out to your friends so that their activity on facebook doesn't annoy you any more. ;-)

Top 10 Things NOT to do on Facebook

1. DO NOT tag people in pictures that they are physically not in. I understand marketing your product or service with fliers and such however, at most, you should post the flier on an individual's wall so that they can determine whether or not they want to partake in whatever it is that you are offering. Be considerate.

2. When creating an event, don't "Select All" and invite your entire  friends list to your event. Invite the people that are first and foremost IN YOUR AREA. Unless your event is being marketed to a national audience, reduce your invitees to your local market. I know a lot of us think and dream big, and we tend to think that our events are significant enough for everyone in the world to attend but we all know, that isn't the case. You'll get more people to come or at least pay attention to your event if you invite the people who are RELEVANT to the event you are throwing. Be considerate.

3. DO NOT market your product or service by creating a massive message thread to your friends' list. This is probably the most annoying of all. What happens is, EVERY time someone responds within that message thread, EVERYONE included in it gets a notification. When there are 50 people included and all 50 of them are responding, the notifications are endless and quite annoying. Share your links by sending a personal message INDIVIDUALLY to your friends. This provides personal contact with your friends and helps them appreciate your time in reaching out directly to them for their opinion or sharing. Better yet post your link on YOUR OWN wall for your friends to see. This ends up helping you because when people see what you've shared on your own profile in their newsfeed, if they like what they see, it'll drive them to your profile to see what else you're doing and spark an interest in them to keep up with your endeavors. Be considerate.

4. When commenting on a status update, if your comment leads to a personal conversation with anyone else involved in or on that status, take the conversation directly to the person's wall or inbox. This also creates irrelevant and unnecessary notifications to others who may have commented on the status to express their like or dislike of whatever was posted. Be considerate.

5. DO NOT add anyone to ANY group without their expressed permission. PERIOD.

6. Concerning external applications, don't invite your friends just because you think you have to. Be cautious of the fact that because you may be interested in any of the thousands of applications there are on facebook, does NOT mean that your friends list will be interested in them as well. When you join or allow another application access to your information on facebook, the application always asks you to select whom of your friends you'd like to share the application with. Additionally, there is ALWAYS an option that says "Skip Invitations." Familiarize yourself with that option. Be considerate.

7. DO NOT tag people in posts or status updates that have nothing to do with them. Again, in marketing your event, product or service, post a link on YOUR OWN profile or at most on your strategically selected friend's profile to help get the word out about whatever it is you're offering. Be considerate.

8. It's your prerogative what you say in your own status updates but for the sake of facebook being a SOCIAL AND PROFESSIONAL NETWORK, be careful of the personal things you say and or expose about yourself and your life. Your business is not every or anyone else's. Never underestimate the power of a good old-fashioned phone call or modern day text message to maintain some degree of privacy and integrity. Be considerate.

9. DO NOT friend request people you DO NOT know or have not met UNLESS you preface the request with a message indicating why you think the connect is necessary and/or relevant to both parties involved. Be considerate. 

10. Lastly for now, keep in mind that while YOUR facebook profile is YOURS indeed, EVERYTHING you say/do within this social networking site is a DIRECT reflection of the person you are. There is no hiding it. Everything you say, post, share, create, comment on etc. directly reflects who you are and how others perceive you. That's the point of SOCIAL NETWORKING. Be AWARE.

The most important lesson of this guideline is obviously to BE CONSIDERATE of your facebook friends. I know we tend to think that because what we're doing/sharing is the most important thing in OUR OWN world at any given time, that it'll be just as important to our friends and associates but realistically speaking... you know. 

By no means am I saying don't share your moments and endeavors with the people around you but I am encouraging all of us who share bits and pieces of our lives on facebook to BE CONSIDERATE in HOW we share what we share with our friends and network. I promise, if nothing else, you'll attract friends to your business or endeavors as opposed to annoying people and running them away, because you'll let them maintain the control of their own page. In the end, they'll also respect you more. ;-)

Hope this helps us all make more efficient use of our facebook profiles. 

***DISCLAIMER***

In the words of one of my favorite artists, "Don't be offended, this is all my opinion. Ain't nothing that I'm saying law..." ;-)  

~AlwaysAaronA~

www.twitter.com/AlwaysAaronA

Excerpt #2 from "A Story and a Song"

Why Me?

    I’m an honest person.  I’ve learned how to be honest with myself which has helped me be honest with the people around me.  I have learned how to listen and in doing so have learned how to take criticism and chastisement very well.  In spite of being very hard on myself as I am, I have learned and am yet learning to make mistakes, fix them and keep it moving.  That’s hard for me because I despise making mistakes, especially simple ones that are easily avoidable with the “common” sense of paying attention.  The learning of these principles have helped me to live a little better than I would have, had I not learned them; but trust me, the process associated with said learning was by no means easy. 

          As a child, my perspective on everything was extremely limited and confined to me: in how I felt, and how this or that affected MY emotions and what wasn’t done for ME, etc.  I was pretty selfish, but what child isn‘t?  Not to make an excuse for being a particular way but understand: unless a child is taught to consider others outside of themselves, more often than not, the child will be selfish.  And you know, I’ve learned something great about the significance of raising children.  From conception, an embryo begins a never ending process of development.  At birth, the child knows absolutely nothing but its brain begins to process that which it sees through the window of the eyes.  After reaching a certain point in early childhood development, the brain becomes like a concentrated sponge, soaking up all the information it sees and retaining it to be used in some capacity later on.  

          As the child processes all the way to adulthood, he/she is subject to the information presented to him/her throughout the course of their development.  For example, a teenager does in fact, have a mind of his/her own, nonetheless, their thought process is only accountable to what they have seen or experienced up until the point of where they are and the age they are.  Let’s take for instance the skill of driving: it is not mandatory that a child knows how to drive. Children are not qualified to drive as a result of their age.  However, when they become of age, even though they may have spent a lot of time riding in a car, driving it must be taught to them by someone who is skilled in the area.  Prior to the age of accountability in driving, the “know- how” was irrelevant because it is not something that was required of them.  Nor should it be expected that you can just throw a teen in a car by him/herself and expect them to know what they’re doing.

          What am I saying?  When you consider the matriculation of life, from prenatal stages all the way to death, information is always being presented at the time it is most necessary and in some cases, before it is necessary.  I do understand that children today are facing things that some adults never had to face due to the context of each situation.  Nonetheless, as long as there is breath in your body, there is something you do not know, which means that everyone always has the capacity to learn and should humble themselves to learning what is necessary for where they are and/or where they are going. Herein also lies the significance of time and timing (which we’ll discuss a little later).

           This is why it is utterly important that parents be extremely careful and sensitive to the things they allow their children to see and/or experience because the learning associated with what they see, at the time they see it will affect them for the rest of their lives.  I do understand that some situations are beyond our control, but it seems as though parents are no longer taking much responsibility for what they allow their children to experience.  I mean no disrespect and no harm to anyone’s style of parenting and no, I do not have children. I do however, pay attention to the behavior and relations of parents with their children.  I also take the time to listen to the children with whom I interact on a regular basis.  If you ever want to win a child over, show them that you genuinely care for them AND listen to them.  All I’m suggesting is for parents to be careful of the things they allow their children to encounter because it shapes their personality and behavior for the rest of their lives.  The mind of a child is no home for irrelevant information.

          The relevance of the aforementioned to me is this, the majority of the information with which I have been presented up until this very point as a twenty- three year old man has been beyond my age.  As a child (and I’ll get into this a little bit more later), by way of circumstances I was forced to learn things that I believe no child should have to learn as such.  What ended up making me as opposed to breaking me, was the fact that I had spiritual guidance via a relationship with God that ushered me to where I am today.  My heart goes out to individuals, children and adults alike, who don’t have said guidance and lash out in ways that they CAN control for the lack of not being able to get a handle on the information presented to them that is beyond their place of understanding.  How they digest this information can propel them to success or deem them to destruction.

          In my case, the largest piece of information presented to my fragile mind that shaped my entire life took place on August 1, 1997 at 10:17a.m.  It is the morning that my best friend; my mother traded her life on this earth for a better one in heaven.  For a child, ANY child, this information plus the lack of understanding without any type of spiritual guidance or means to an understanding can be detrimental to their existence.  It almost meant mine totally.  When my mom passed, I lost the only person in this world who I knew loved all of me just as I was, and embraced me when most others, seemingly rejected me.  In my mind, at the time that she left, there was no reason for me to stick around.  I had to be where she was so that I could be loved and accepted.  Little did I know, that this occurrence was the beginning of the lesson of my life.

My First Memory: An Excerpt from "A Story and A Song"

My First Memory

The following excerpt is taken from an article called “On Early Memories” in Psychoanalytic Electronic Publishing which is a digital archive of classic psychoanalytic texts, authored by Leon J. Saul, M.D., Thoburn R. Snyder, Jr., M.D. and Edith Sheppard, M.D.:

'Earliest memories' or 'first memories' are terms used in psychoanalytic therapy to designate those few isolated recollections which usually precede the beginning of continuous remembrance. Almost without exception, people report the beginning of continuous memory at a certain approximate age, but usually a very few fragmentary images can be revived from much earlier times.

Continuous memory is stated to begin at different ages by different individuals, but usually not much before the age of five. An occasional person can remember nothing prior to so late an age as nine; sometimes no very early isolated memories either, but this is the rare exception. It is not unusual for a first memory to go back to the age of two years and even before.

Can you think of your earliest memory? *chuckling* I’m laughing because I’m imagining you taking a break from reading to actually try to recall your first memory. Really though, think about it. What is the first thing you remember about your life? Fact is, most people can’t even bring to their conscious mind what their actual first memory is. A lot of memories are suppressed into our subconscious and unless it is triggered by an occurrence that is exactly where it will stay.

Anyway, my first memory is not so great although considering the family from which I come, it could have been. Unfortunately however, my first memory is somewhat negative. I can’t forget it: I was in my crib in our house in the Bronx (yes, I remember that far), and my elder brothers Aubrey and Andrew were in the living room on the floor playing. We are each a year (and some change) apart. My mother, Sharon Faith Howden- Adams was in her room keeping an eye on us. Now, the only thing that separated my parents’ room from the living room at that time was a thin, see-through olive green curtain that we had apparently had for ages. Often when mommy was watching us, she’d keep the curtain open so she could see the television in the living room while she was cleaning or folding clothes. So while Aubrey and Andrew were on the floor playing, mommy asked them if they wanted me to play with them. She came and picked me up out of my crib and I don’t know why I remember it like this, but it was as if somebody had pushed the slow- motion button on the remote of time and I could clearly see my brothers screaming and waving their hands, mouthing, “NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” It’s actually pretty funny to think about from where I sit now.

It seems harmless. It seems as something that should not have had such an indelible impact on my perspective of social situations, but it did. You see, learning is defined as a change in behavior as a result of an experience (thanks Dr. Duane Jackson - Learning and Memory professor). In other words, learning is efficient when a subject actually changes its behavior after its soul (the mind, the emotions and the personality) experiences an agent that triggers the adjustment. In this particular case, the experience that I had was one of rejection; the first “seed” of such that was sewn at such an early age and by the mere fact that I can remember it so clearly indicates that I, in a sense, prematurely learned what rejection is. That’s not something that any baby should have to deal face, but I did. Little did I know that rejection would become one of those “keeping it real” kind of friends to me that you don’t particularly always care to be around. Even so, she became one of my closest friends because of how much time we spent together.