Being in Germany Vol. 1: The Bigger Picture

Dec. 3, 2012
11:39p.m.

I took a cool shower tonight. Not because I wanted to... In Germany, the hot water is turned off after a certain hour. It's one of the many ways this country conserves its natural resources to ensure that their quality of life is never undermined with UNDERnecessary human comfort.

When I turned on the water, I waited for a while to see if it would by some chance heat up so that I could take a comfortable shower, especially after performing earlier tonight in a heatless venue (a beautiful mosque over 300 years old), coming back to the hotel and working out before getting some rest to do it all over again tomorrow. My wait was in vain. As I went to turn the water off, I paused and thought to myself, is it ABSOLUTELY necessary for you to have a HOT shower tonight?? What reason do you have to not get in this shower and wash yourself in this very tolerable temperature water?? Upon hearing these thoughts, I accepted the challenge I posed to myself and got in the shower to bathe. Before I knew it, my body adjusted to the temperature of the water and there was nothing to it.

I'm learning a lot about myself on this tour. I mean, those of you that know me well know that I consistently position myself in the mirror for the purpose of inflection, self- assessment, and ultimately growth in the direction of becoming my best self. Some old lessons are resurfacing and accompanying them are some familiar and unfortunate issues of my yesterday. Nothing to compromise the integrity of the tour but enough to force me to spend some quiet time to refocus my intentions, my energy and my choices.

As I sit in my quiet time, I'm realizing how often we tend to make monstrous issues out of minute things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things. For example, a hot shower was by NO means mandatory for me tonight. Before recognizing this, I could have EASILY allowed myself to get frustrated with something that I have ZERO control over which would have solved absolutely nothing. So instead, I convinced myself that it would not hurt me to get in the cool shower and wash because the truth is, in many parts of our world, hot water is very much of a luxury and in some cases, water alone is a rarity. Hence, in the grand scheme of things, the more important ideal was that I bathe for the purposes of my health and hygiene, with the less important ideal being how comfortable I am while doing it.

I feel challenged. As a natural perfectionist and administrative delegate, the magnified success of any human experience lies in the small details that should in some way, contribute to the affect of the bigger picture. However, there is a point where one can focus so much on the details that the message of the big picture is no longer clear and majorly distorted. Which is more important: the bride and groom ceremonially giving their lives to one another in the presence of God, their families and their friends, or that the flowers on the tables at the reception have not bloomed in time to welcome the guests?? Is it more important that nobody showed up to your birthday celebration or that you have lived to see another year?? Is what your children eat for nourishment more important than the fact that they eat??

Friends, let's try not to get so caught up in the details of any given situation that we lose sight of the big picture which generally holds the point of it all. When we keep in mind the bigger picture, we are living a life full of purpose and we allow that purpose to be what drives us to our destination. I am by no means saying to forsake the attention to detail, but I am encouraging us to not stress the details so much that we lose sight of the purpose for doing that which we choose to do.

Self - Assessment Leads to Answers

I love people. HARD. Those that are closest to me can attest to this. My love for them and for people in general often acts as an agent of misunderstanding when it comes to my personality and others' perception of me. I've been good so far, at not letting my being misunderstood keep me from being consistent to who I know I am and am supposed to be but with this new understanding, there's no telling what's going to happen.

I've come to the realization that most of my relationships are in many ways. one-sided. One-sided in the sense that the way I communicate love, strength and positive energy is not reciprocated in the way that I expect it. What does this mean?? Does it mean that I am not loved? Not at all. Does it mean that my "friends" are really not my friends?? Not particularly. Does it mean that the expectations of my relationships are unrealistic?? Perhaps. Or, does it mean that a self-assessment is necessary, followed by an assessment of who's who within my circle of friends and an adjustment action to protect myself from my own expectations and emotions?? Bingo.

Recently, I've incorporated periods of quiet time throughout my day for the purpose of listening to my thoughts to hear what I'm telling myself. Because I work for a major entertainment company, I'm surrounded all day and everyday by news, chatter, information and other miscellaneous communication. It's very easy to get lost in the hustle and bustle of my daily responsibilities and chores, so much so to where I can too easily find myself literally lost in the haystack of work. The problem with this is that if I'm lost in everything I'm doing, I'm liable to lose control of my responses to the things that happen around me, even when I'm not in the office. In an effort to hold true to the principle I live by; "My response is my responsibility," I have to make time to keep myself un-flustered and un-lost so that I have consistent visibility of my mental and emotional disposition. This quiet time helps me tremendously in that effort.

In today's quiet time, I heard myself thinking about a conversation I had with my Godbrother last night. He and I generally have very good conversations that challenge my thinking which is why I love conversing with him. In any case, in this particular conversation, the more we talked, the more alone I felt. Mind you, my Godbrother is one of the closest people to me on the planet. He doesn't get me all the time and we disagree most all the time. But we listen to each other and we learn from one another, without fail. For some reason though, in this particular conversation, even with him responding to every text message I sent, I felt more and more alone.

As I processed these feelings, I realized that I am looking for my friends to love me the same exact way that I love them.  What's wrong with that, some may ask. Well, it's not to say that anything is wrong, but it is to say that my expectation to receive love in a certain way actually limits the way that I can receive love from anyone. You know how you lose something and you spend a bunch time looking for it because you really need it and you never find it until you stop looking for it and no longer need it?? Same idea. My search for specific love-based actions has hindered me from receiving the love that my friends have for me. No, it doesn't come the same way I send it but it comes. My challenge is now, to be open enough to receive it when it comes, regardless of it's form OR who it's from.

As I was working at my desk today, my boss called me into her office to give me an assignment. As she began talking, she stopped and said, "By the way, people are raving about you. A number of my colleagues have called and commented on how much they love your personality without even knowing you, just by how you speak on the phone." And there it was, a love-filled recognition that somebody is paying attention to me AND noticing that I have something special to offer the world around me. When she told me, it hit me hard. I had to stop in that moment and receive that love because I was drained from the loneliness I had been experiencing and seeming lack of a needed love I'd been feeling. This love however, while it may not have come from my Godbrother or any of my friends for that matter, was love nonetheless. It was just enough to get me through the battle of maintaining control of my responses as the victor. It also gave me just the surge of energy I needed to finish my day. :-)  

So, here is the point: the facts are, we're all human beings and we need love so that we don't feel like we're alone in the world. The truth is, love is available to everyone of us in a number of ways but we often miss out on receiving it because we're close-minded to the way that it may be presented.

Open your mind. Open your heart. You are loved. If you need evidence, take a breath. If the Creator of life itself didn't love you, care about you or have a reason for you to be here, that would have been impossible. You are loved. I am loved. Be loved.

~AlwaysAaronA~

P.S. - I write these transparent blog posts for a number of reasons. Primarily, it's my therapy. It keeps me from holding all of my thoughts in and letting them control me. Secondly, I'm real with myself. Being real with myself helps me be real with others. Being real with others shows them that in their most quiet moments when no one else is around, SOMEONE understands them. I write this way to show people that they are not alone in the way they think. Most importantly, I hope to inspire you (reading this) to live your BEST possible life by opening the passageway to your heart and connecting with you there so that you are convinced that God/Love is real and it knows exactly where you are. You're never too big or small to be out of His reach. Just in case you didn't know. :-)

I'll Never Forget: A Love Story

I’ll never forget the first time I heard her voice. She sounded like a vision of me floating in a clear blue sea of the warmest water on top of  white sand under the bluest sky. She reached me. And I her. We were connected: before we had any idea what each other looked like. We talked every day and every conversation lasted more than an hour. She intrigued me with her sweet, southern accent churned with her welcoming wit and a smile that I could hear as she laughed on the phone. She was my new best friend and I knew it from the first sound of her voice.

I’ll never forget the first time I saw her face. It had been over 2 years since our first conversation and she looked even more beautiful than she sounded. After finding myself nervous beyond measure and fearful of her rejection, our eyes met and immediately, I felt at home. I was so comfortable that it made me uncomfortable how comfortable I was. Her eyes told me that I was everything she imagined me to be and more. Her smile generated an electricity that triggered an awakening of the happiest moment of my life. She looked like… everything me.

I’ll never forget the moment I heard her sing. Her voice reached into my soul and touched parts of me I had no idea ever existed. I became intoxicated by her sound. She could have asked me for the world and I would have indubitably given her mine.

I’ll never forget the first time we kissed. Every moment leading up to this moment converged into one explosive moment that sealed and secured our love for each other. I knew then what I know now: she is “My One.”

I’ll never forget the first time we said, “I do.” It was the commencement of a daily choice we make to choose now what we chose on that day. It keeps us in love even when we don’t FFEL like we are. It is this choice, that makes us sure that we will spend the rest of our life together, no matter what.

I’ll never forget how she affects me.

I’ll never forget why we are in love.

I’ll never forget her.

I’ll never forget us.

I will never forget…

…

…

…

The moment I woke up.