Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Reflections


January 26, 2011

Seventy-two hours ago I turned twenty-five years old. It was more of a turning point than I expected it to be; so much so that a celebration on the actual day was not called for. Don’t get me wrong, I did celebrate the night before and am supposed to go out with my family tomorrow night since I wasn’t with them. But on my actual birthday (and a few weeks prior) I was positioned to REFLECT.

In my time of reflection I paid attention to some things that I’ve noticed within me that has seemingly inhibited me from becoming the vision that I have seen for myself through the eyes of God. They are issues that seemed to me to be minuscule and irrelevant to my general productivity but as I see it now, I was COMPLETELY wrong.

For a long time, I have sheltered insecurities and a lack of confidence and belief in myself for what I desire, am able to and should be doing with my life. I had no idea how significant of a role these insecurities and lack of confidence would play in my lack of productivity. While I have learned to look in the mirror and take responsibility for that which I see, I have never learned to ACCEPT and DEAL WITH what I see which has inhibited me from being productive for me and the vision for my life. No more.

Here’s what I learned, it’s too easy to avoid the mirror and devote your time and attention to the people around you whose success you want to connect with and ride on. This is exactly what I did: I discovered something I was good at, found people who needed what I had and devoted myself wholly to their cause and their benefit, often for SEEMINGLY nothing in return. The problem with this was that their success was just that, THEIR success. Even though I may have contributed in one way or another, I could not claim ownership of their success because it wasn’t mine.

After realizing that I was producing nothing for myself in these endeavors, I figured something must be wrong. And it was. Not that I didn’t acquire training, experience and relationships through these dealings because I absolutely did. What I didn’t get however was the stability and security of a success to call “my own.” No more.

Twenty-five is a monumental age for me. As many times as I’d tried to commit suicide growing up, it’s remarkable that I’m still here. While my former perspective was pitiful for not having anything to call my own through my inability to find a decent job or consistent income of any kind, I have been forced to ask myself the following question: What can you do differently?? I’m sure we’ve all heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results which I have apparently mastered (Yes, I just called myself insane- at least I used to be). No more.

I’ve decided to adjust my professional perspective from solely helping others in devoting time, effort, energy and sometimes even money (that I don’t have) to actively and strategically developing a plan of execution for the vision that is my life. One of the first parts of this plan is getting my autobiography released and accessible to the world which I believe will establish my authentic place in it as a conduit for positivity, productivity and perseverance. This is not something I can do or plan to do on my own but I believe that God will honor my employed faith by sending the right team of people to bring it to life and it will come to pass.

As for my insecurities and former lack of confidence in myself, it’s a daily process to not allow them to control me and my decisions so I wrote a daily confession that I’m challenging myself to speak out loud everyday to keep these parasites under control. This year will be the GREATEST year of my life and I am determined to see it manifest as such by any means necessary. Time to move forward. This time, for me.

Daily Confession

 I AM COMPETENT
I AM CONFIDENT
I AM CAPABLE OF SUCCEEDING
INSECURITIES NO LONGER CLOAK ME
FEAR NO LONGER HOLDS ME
DOUBT IS FAR BENEATH ME
AND I BELIEVE I WILL SUCCEED.
I BELIEVE IN ME
AND I BELIEVE I WILL SUCCEED.
I BELIEVE IN ME
AND I BELIEVE I WILL SUCCEED.
I BELIEVE IN ME
AND I BELIEVE I WILL SUCCEED!!!!!

14 comments:

  1. wow, thank you for that transparency! and excited you are releasing yourself and finally giving yourself permission to ACHIEVE which is a significant aspect in SUCCEEDing, but not more important, of course, than BELIEVING. so God-speed on your journey and congrats on step one. also love the daily confession! great affirmations!

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  2. Wow.

    Thank you for encouraging and inspiring others to be their best through your personal story. Happy birthday. :)

    Aaron, meaning "mountain of strength." Be strong, sir.

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  3. Wow! I am excited for you and for what God is doing in your life...
    Keep on moving forward!! All things are possible when we believe!!!

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  4. yes Aaaron...this is the season to....not be drained by others, by giving everything to fuel their vision...and really focus on the Vision that God has for you...If you don't invest into yourself...who will follow your lead....and invest in you? Love ya...and keep it moving...this is the season....and try not to let emotions rule your decisions. I look forward to see the product of this new found "focus" :-D

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  5. Ashe!

    Many many blessing to you as you keep pushing forward! We are all constantly evolving so I'm proud that you recognize that it is your time to shine! God will continue to lead you!

    Chanel Jaali

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  6. thank you everyone for your comments!! I appreciate all of the encouragement!!

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  7. i love it! and again happy birthday=] everybody doesn't live to see 25 years.

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  8. Thank you Dunkyn!! You are absolutely right about that...

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  9. Wow Aaron, what an incredible story! I had no ideal what God has brought you from, you are a true blessing. I reposted it on my page! Miss u!

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  10. You have spoken the words of many mines... touch the hearts of many souls....
    Keep inspiring the ones who cannot speak out, just YET.... Happy Birthday.

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