My First Memory: An Excerpt from "A Story and A Song"

My First Memory

The following excerpt is taken from an article called “On Early Memories” in Psychoanalytic Electronic Publishing which is a digital archive of classic psychoanalytic texts, authored by Leon J. Saul, M.D., Thoburn R. Snyder, Jr., M.D. and Edith Sheppard, M.D.:

'Earliest memories' or 'first memories' are terms used in psychoanalytic therapy to designate those few isolated recollections which usually precede the beginning of continuous remembrance. Almost without exception, people report the beginning of continuous memory at a certain approximate age, but usually a very few fragmentary images can be revived from much earlier times.

Continuous memory is stated to begin at different ages by different individuals, but usually not much before the age of five. An occasional person can remember nothing prior to so late an age as nine; sometimes no very early isolated memories either, but this is the rare exception. It is not unusual for a first memory to go back to the age of two years and even before.

Can you think of your earliest memory? *chuckling* I’m laughing because I’m imagining you taking a break from reading to actually try to recall your first memory. Really though, think about it. What is the first thing you remember about your life? Fact is, most people can’t even bring to their conscious mind what their actual first memory is. A lot of memories are suppressed into our subconscious and unless it is triggered by an occurrence that is exactly where it will stay.

Anyway, my first memory is not so great although considering the family from which I come, it could have been. Unfortunately however, my first memory is somewhat negative. I can’t forget it: I was in my crib in our house in the Bronx (yes, I remember that far), and my elder brothers Aubrey and Andrew were in the living room on the floor playing. We are each a year (and some change) apart. My mother, Sharon Faith Howden- Adams was in her room keeping an eye on us. Now, the only thing that separated my parents’ room from the living room at that time was a thin, see-through olive green curtain that we had apparently had for ages. Often when mommy was watching us, she’d keep the curtain open so she could see the television in the living room while she was cleaning or folding clothes. So while Aubrey and Andrew were on the floor playing, mommy asked them if they wanted me to play with them. She came and picked me up out of my crib and I don’t know why I remember it like this, but it was as if somebody had pushed the slow- motion button on the remote of time and I could clearly see my brothers screaming and waving their hands, mouthing, “NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” It’s actually pretty funny to think about from where I sit now.

It seems harmless. It seems as something that should not have had such an indelible impact on my perspective of social situations, but it did. You see, learning is defined as a change in behavior as a result of an experience (thanks Dr. Duane Jackson - Learning and Memory professor). In other words, learning is efficient when a subject actually changes its behavior after its soul (the mind, the emotions and the personality) experiences an agent that triggers the adjustment. In this particular case, the experience that I had was one of rejection; the first “seed” of such that was sewn at such an early age and by the mere fact that I can remember it so clearly indicates that I, in a sense, prematurely learned what rejection is. That’s not something that any baby should have to deal face, but I did. Little did I know that rejection would become one of those “keeping it real” kind of friends to me that you don’t particularly always care to be around. Even so, she became one of my closest friends because of how much time we spent together.